Debbie's Stage Fright question

[beige_alert]

I discovered filk at my first con, Chambanacon in roughly 1991. I sat quietly and listened for many years, never actually talking to anyone. I believe it was the 2002 Duckon when I first talked to Barisha, and got one of the hugs that she’s known for, which is certainly memorable because at the time I wasn’t used to hugging best friends let alone people whom I’d just met. (It’s been nice getting used to hugging!) Joyce and I later saw Barisha, Richard, Carol, and John at Eduardo’s Pizza in Milwaukee, which is how we discovered that we live in the same city and that they organize house concerts and filks.

My first attempt at singing in front of an audience was in Barb’s basement at a house filk in November of 2002. I was shaking so hard it was very difficult to operate the guitar at all, and getting words to come out was a struggle. Still, I lived through the experience. Over time, I got a little less nervous and could function a bit better. People perceived me to be improving rapidly, which was in large part a matter of being able to function better. Eventually I got to the point where I’d feel very, very nervous before singing, would then sing and play just fine, and then would shake afterwards, which, though odd, was much better than shaking during the performance. These days I’m pretty comfortable, though there are still sometimes hints of that adrenaline before, shaking after effect. When it happens, though, I now have a “been there, done that, it worked last time, it will work this time,” attitude about the feeling, which makes it easier.

Mostly, I’m grateful for the whole Milwaukee and Chicago gang who have given me the chance to get used to performing. Thanks to Carol and Barisha who organize the concerts and filks, Art who hosts some of the filks, Emory who hosts some more, all of them for listening and for encouraging me along with Deirdre, Angel, jerusha, anach, janmagic, tigertoy, and all the others who put up with my semi-functional stage and had encouraging things to say and who continue to have the nicest things to say.

Thanks also to bedlamhouse and ladyat who forced me, whether I liked it or not, to sing at Chambanacon when I brought my guitar for the first time and was a very, very new, and very, very shy performer.

There are two other events that stick out in my memory from my early days when I was really struggling with stage fright. One was at barbarakitten_t‘s birthday party, where Bill Gawne and I took turns singing. By the time I got to the fifth or sixth song I was actually starting to feel comfortable. It was something of a preview of the future when I’d feel comfortable by the second song, and eventually on the first. The other was singing the Boogie Knights’ “Arthurian Pie” late at night at a filk at Art’s house. The first verse is done slowly, mostly with one strum per chord, which I figured I could do even if the rest of the song was going to be too fast for me. Since it was getting late, which is the time to do things that you aren’t so sure of, I suggested that I’d try one verse of something. People were agreeable, so I started into it, planning to do the first verse, launch into the chorus, screw up totally, and stop and say that I’d try it again in the future when I could actually play it. Well, I didn’t feel nervous at all, since, after all, my plan was to screw up. I could do that! I felt so calm and was so functional that things did not go according to plan, and I got all the way through it. I’m sure it wasn’t exactly a great performance, but though I may not have been singing on key, I was singing in time to the guitar, which I managed to play just as well as when practicing alone. It was another preview of the future. Back when performing was just terrifying and very difficult, having these glimpses of what performing is like when the stage fright is under control was very encouraging.

I now have another group to thank, my German friends, aryana_filker, legoline, lisande, lastalda, and tia_thereal. Apparently, I felt I wasn’t feeling nervous enough when singing, so I’ve taken on the challenge of singing in German, a language I’ve been studying for a matter of weeks and thus have hardly any knowledge of at all. What could possibly go wrong with a plan like Phase One: Sing songs in German, Phase Three: Actually learn the language?

I sent aryana_filker some recordings with a mixture of feelings. On the one hand, I desperately wanted her feedback on my pronunciation, on the other, even though she’s a good friend I was very nervous about letting an actual German hear me mangling her language. She had helpful comments and all of them who have heard me have been most encouraging, insisting that they can understand me and that, considering that I don’t speak the language, I sound great, and noting that I must be crazybold to even attempt such a thing.

Comments

[legoline.livejournal.com]

Eventually I got to the point where I’d feel very, very nervous before singing, would then sing and play just fine, and then would shake afterwards, which, though odd, was much better than shaking during the performance.

That's what I felt like at FilkCon. Actually, that was even what I used to feel like singing in front of Aryana and the rest of the gang but thankfully I've grown more comfortable singing in their presence :o)

And your German pronunciation is fine! Considering you don't the speak the language it's actually really, really good!

[phillip2637.livejournal.com]

"My first attempt at singing in front of an audience was in Barb’s basement at a house filk in November of 2002. I was shaking so hard it was very difficult to operate the guitar at all"

Ah, yes. I play about 70% with a flat pick and changed brands after my first house filk to the "cat's tongue" style that I can grip even through a 1/8" layer of perspiration. The smooth ones that had always been OK during practice were continually twisting around in my fingers and threatening to squirt out entirely.

[lisande.livejournal.com]

and noting that I must be crazybold to even attempt such a thing.


Bold? No way! I think it's very brave to sing in a language you don't speak! I'd never have guessed that when listening to the one verse you allowed me to hear (and as I already knew it, I was very much impressed).

Want to hear more! *gives you the puppy eyes*

[beige-alert.livejournal.com]

I'll record a bit more in the near future.

[lisande.livejournal.com]

Yes please, do that!