beige_alert | Women's magazines and sex tips

Whenever I buy groceries at the regular grocery store I am always fascinated by the magazines on display by the cash registers. There are all these women’s magazines with covers promising advice on pleasing men sexually. They always make it sound like a really hard, complex task, requiring complicated, subtle skills. They also promise insight into what men are thinking (if anything). As a man, this strikes me as pretty funny. This month’s Cosmopolitan, for example, has this on the corner of the cover:

What He Thinks When He Sees You Naked

Um, as those who listen to Adam Curry’s podcast know, the sound effect for what he thinks is Boioioioioiing! To quote Exhibitionism for the Shy, “remember that it takes very little to turn men on. They will concentrate on what they like and forget the rest.”

He’s my free advice on pleasing a man sexually: Step one, take off your clothes (this is important). Step two, using your body, rub his penis. It doesn’t really matter what part of your body you use, indeed, variety, as they say, is the spice of life. Now you can save the price of the magazine, and spend the money on something from Starbucks with about fifteen syllables in the name.